Took some time needed to be quiet. Went for a long walk in the woods with myself. On many occasions I imagined the scenario of this walk and was concerned as to where I might go? So many distractions prevented me from taking the walk, but mostly I was frightened –MYSELF PREVENTS MYSELF.
I took the walk in the morning. Brought a cup of coffee with me for ultimate indulgence as a grateful atom in the majesty of nature. I walked with gentility for a while before I got involved in a few intense conversations with people in my mind. I responded aloud which felt kind of crazy, but so good I didn’t dare stop… I thought: “shit, this is great!”
I walked further. I began crying, which quickly escalated into one of those mouth open sobs, thinking: one day all of the people I love will die. I then cried thinking of the people I don’t even like dying. Then I started laughing which sounded a little like Phyllis Diller and made me laugh more. It was an odd walk. I didn’t need anything else. No resolutions.
For me, “being there mentally” is present state openness. It doesn’t have a “what’s next?” quality to it, rather a free floatingness through the wilderness of life.
I believe it is time to move the barricades aside and travel further than imagined.